Misery Loves Company
by Fearless Swan
Summary: A multi-chapter action-packed extravaganza involving Sly Cooper & Co. Rated PG-13 for strong language and suggestive humor.
1. Sly Hatches a Plot

Note- Sly Cooper and related characters are property of Sucker Punch Entertainment, Darkwing Duck and related characters are property of the Disney Corporation, McDonald's and Big Mac are property of McDonald's Corporation, Coke is property of the Coca-Cola Company, Mercedes is property of DaimlerChrysler Company, and Wal-Mart is property of Wal-Mart Inc.   
  
MISERY LOVES COMPANY  
  
Two months had passed since those two raccoon super-thieves, Sly Cooper and Andy Clark, had first met on a rooftop in Forest City. The following is an account of the events that transpire when Sly decides to pay a visit to his newfound friend.  
  
CHAPTER ONE- Sly Hatches a Plot  
  
PARIS, FRANCE - 10:30 P.M.  
  
"I'm so fucking BORED!!", Sly Cooper exclaimed as he surfed the Internet. Lately, business had been slow for Sly and the gang, and the ringtail hadn't been taking it well.  
  
"Join the club.", said Bentley. "Now could you please get off my computer? "Just a minute.", Sly said. "I'm looking at something." "What, more nude photos of Carmelita?", the turtle joked.  
  
"No, jackass.", Sly snapped. "Apparently, F.O.W.L, the Fiendish Organization for World Larceny, has stolen ten tons of gold from the Canadian National Gold Reserve. This could be our next big heist."  
  
"How exactly do you plan on stealing ten tons of gold?", Bentley asked. "We're not going to take it all, Einstein.", Sly replied sarcastically.  
  
"We're going to kick FOWL's butt, take our share of the gold, and the authorities can handle the rest.", Sly continued.  
  
"And how do you intend to accomplish this? These guys may be worse than the Fiendish Five!", Bentley asked.  
  
"Relax, guy. The FOWL headquarters are just up the street from Forest City, home of my good friend Andy Clark. I'm sure he'll help us out.", Sly said.  
  
"I don't know about that.", said Bentley. "Didn't you recently swipe several million in diamonds from him while he had his back turned?"  
  
"I'm sure he'll forgive me for that. We're both professionals.", Sly said.  
  
"I hope you're right.", his friend responded.  
  
"If my little theft had bothered him so much, I'm sure I would have heard from him by now.", said the raccoon. "Now, get off my Goddamned computer!!", whined Bentley. "All right, already." 


	2. Unexpected Visitors

CHAPTER TWO- Unexpected Visitors  
  
Two weeks later...  
  
FOREST CITY, N.Y. - 4:25 P.M.  
  
Andy Clark stared in disbelief at what he saw on his computer monitor.  
  
"I don't believe this crap. How can I only come in at #52 on the Top 100 Sexiest Thieves List?! And half these guys aren't even thieves. And what's the deal with Robin Hood at #1? The guy's been dead for 800 years!", Andy said, outraged.  
  
"Calm down, dude. It just some retarded website.", said Tony reassuringly.  
  
"You're right, Tony.", said Andy.  
  
Just then, the doorbell rang. Andy answered. He could not believe his eyes. At the door was none other than Sly Cooper, accompanied by two odd fellows.  
  
"Sly, man. How you been doing?", Andy said. "Come on in. You must be tired.", he continued. "Yeah. We would've been here sooner, but this fat ass had to stop at every McDonald's between here and Paris.", Sly said angrily, looking toward his large pink hippopotamus companion.  
  
"I don't believe I've ever been introduced to your friends here.", said Andy.  
  
"Oh.", Sly said. "Well, this fat fool is Murray. He's my driver." The hippo shook Andy's paw. "Nice to meet you.", he said.  
  
"And this is Bentley, my science expert.", Sly continued. "Hello, Mr. Clark. Sly has told me so much about you.", the turtle said as the two shook hands. "I must say, your home is immaculate! I'm impressed.", the small bespectacled turtle said, looking around.  
  
"Thanks. This place is my pride and joy, you know.", said Andy.  
  
"Now, let me introduce you to my gang, the Bridge Street Four.", Andy said to Sly.  
  
"That's Tony over there.", Andy said, pointing toward the crow who had taken his place at the computer. The bird waved back, and then went back to work. "He's my second in command. He plans all my heists, and is also the team mechanic.", Andy said.  
  
A bear and a hedgehog played video games in the living room. "Those two are Jake and Chris. I believe you've already met Jake.", Andy said. "How ya doin', Sly?", said the bear.  
  
"Jake serves the same purpose in my gang as your Murray. He drives me, and sometimes joins me in thefts.", Andy continued.  
  
"And Chris is my spy." "Hey.", the hedgehog said, and then resumed his game. "Chris is a little nutty, but he gets the job done.", Andy said.  
  
"It looks like you've made quite a good living of thievery.", Sly said, surveying Andy's house.  
  
"Yeah.", Andy said. "I make more in a month than I would have in a year had I gone to college and gotten a job in the business sector." "Plus, I get to kick some criminal ass!", Andy added.  
  
"Uh, there's a helicopter in your backyard!", Bentley said, peering out the back window. "Yeah. The heliport is closed for construction. What's a guy to do?", said Andy.  
  
"That thing's more trouble than it's worth. Hey Sly, you don't by any chance happen to need a helicopter, do you?", Andy said. "No, but thanks for the offer.", said Sly.  
  
"May I ask you a question?", Sly said. "Sure.", the older raccoon replied. "Why are you called the Bridge Street Four when you live on Green Street?"  
  
"Good question, Cooper.", Andy said. "Our gang hasn't been based at Bridge Street in years. No one's bothered to change the name, though."  
  
"Later, we could go down to the old hideout. I can show you our history.", Andy said.  
  
"OK.", Sly responded. "Now I have a question for you friend.", Andy said."When you robbed me of all those diamonds a few weeks back," Sly rolled his eyes. Here it comes. There go my big plans. "Why in God's name did you also steal my socks?", Andy inquired.  
  
"They looked so warm, comfortable, and inviting, I just had to take 'em.", Sly answered. "Plus, the smell of your feet makes me hot."  
  
The room fell silent. "WHAT?!!", Andy cried. Tony's jaw dropped to the floor. Chris spat his Coke across the room. Murray damn near choked to death on the Big Mac he'd been devouring. Bentley just shook his head. "Dude, that is fuckin' SICK!", Jake exclaimed.  
  
"Couldn't have put it any better myself, Jake ol' boy.", said Tony.  
  
"Uhh, forget I just said that.", Sly said nervously, as all eyes were now fixated on him. "Anyhow, there's a huge stash of stolen gold just up the road from here. I was thinking you and I could go up there tomorrow and grab us some.", Sly said.  
  
"Sounds like a plan.", Andy said, trying his hardest to forget the thief's prior comment. "The gold is being stored under heavy security at the headquarters of the notorious crime syndicate F.O.W.L.", Sly said.  
  
"Whoa there. FOWL?! Count me out!", Andy said excitedly. "Why?", Sly wondered. "I tried to rob FOWL once. I ended up in a dungeon having a cheese grater run over my bare feet.", Andy explained.  
  
"That must have smelled great, I mean, that must have hurt.", Sly said. Once again, there was dead silence. "Dude, you've got issues.", said Chris.  
  
"Anyway, these guys don't play around. I'll give you any technical support or personnel you need for your little raid, but I ain't comin.", said Andy.  
  
"Come on buddy, pal. PLEEEASE!!", begged Sly. "NO!", insisted Clark. "Why should I assist you anyway? You cost me $20 million in jewels, and you stole my favorite pair of socks to satisfy some twisted fetish of yours.", said Andy.  
  
"I wouldn't have to ask for your help if these two weren't such pussies.", Sly said, looking toward his two compatriots. "HEY!!", both Murray and Bentley fumed. "Well, it's true!", Sly snapped back.  
  
"Oh yeah?!", Bentley said angrily. "Well, at least I'm not a perv like you, you.....perv." "Call me a perv one more time and I'll kick you in the nuts!!, Sly said through clenched teeth.  
  
"Gentlemen! And I use the term loosely, can we please stop with this childishness?! We've got a heist to plan!", Andy commanded. "So you'll do it?", Sly asked delightedly. "Yes.", Andy said with a sigh.  
  
"But I have one condition.", Andy added. "And that is?", asked Sly. "If we end up getting our skin scraped off with kitchen utensils, will you admit that you were wrong and I was right?"  
  
"Sure.", Sly said. "A Cooper always admits when he's wrong." "But,", he continued "If we make it back here unharmed and loaded down with gold, will you admit that I was right and YOU were wrong?"  
  
"I see no problem with that.", said Andy. "OK. Let me show you around town before dark. We'll grab a bite to eat, then come back here and get down to business.", he then said.  
  
"Sounds like a good idea to me.", said Sly. "Hey guys!", Sly called to his friends. "Andy's going to show us around Forest City before we plan this raid." "Cool!", said Murray. "I sure hope the rest of this town is a clean and sanitary as this house.", Bentley remarked. Sly groaned. 


	3. On the Town

CHAPTER THREE- On the Town  
  
"We'll take my truck. It's got the most room.", Andy said, heading toward the garage. Everyone except Chris, Andy's hedgehog friend, followed.  
  
"You coming, Chris?", Andy asked. "Nah. I think I'll stay.", the hedgehog replied. "Okay, ya dork.", Andy said. "Just try not to burn down the house or something.", he continued.  
  
"Uh, this garage is empty.", Sly said, looking around. "Wait a minute, my friend.", Andy said, pushing a button on the garage wall. The floor opened up and two vehicles rose up from below.  
  
"Impressive.", said Bentley. "All right, everyone. Get on in.", Andy said, opening the rear doors of his truck. "Nice car.", said Murray, looking at the blue Mercedes sedan parked next to the van.  
  
As Jake started up the truck, Andy pushed a button on the dashboard, opening the garage. The truck then zoomed off.  
  
"Where are we headed?", asked Jake of his raccoon friend. "Let's head to the Fifth Street Diner first.", Andy responded. "I'm starving."  
  
"So am I.", Murray said. "You're always starving, fat boy.", Sly said. "I hope this restaurant isn't some greasy spoon.", whined Bentley. "This guy always seems to have something to complain about.", said Tony of the turtle.  
  
"Tell me about it.", Sly said. "So Andy," he said "How did you end up getting caught the last time you tried to steal from FOWL?", he inquired. "You don't have to answer.", Sly said, thinking twice about his question.  
  
"It's OK.", Andy said. "Well, all was going fine until my cloaking device crapped out." "You have a cloaking device?", asked Bentley. "Yeah, but it's still got some bugs. Anyway, my cloaker failed, I was spotted by some thugs, and the next thing I knew, a deranged chicken was topping a pizza with the skin of my paws.", Andy continued.  
  
"That's disgusting.", Bentley said. "Was this chicken by any chance the infamous Steelbeak?", Sly wondered.  
  
"Yeah. That's the prick who put me out of action for five months.", Andy responded.  
  
"Well, hopefully we'll take him down tomorrow.", Sly said. "Yeah.", said Andy.  
  
"Well, here we are.", Andy said. "The most popular eatery in Forest City. "This place?", Bentley asked. "Shut up, you little twerp!!", Tony yelled. "Easy, Tone. This guy may be annoying, but he's our guest.", said Andy.  
  
The six of them entered the diner. They were greeted by a female raccoon. "Andy, love!", she said, kissing him. "So good to see you!" "You owe me five bucks.", Sly said to Bentley. " I told you he wasn't gay.", he continued.  
  
"And who are your friends?", the raccoon girl asked. "That's Murray, Bentley, and Sly.", Andy said.  
  
"Wow! Sly Cooper! A celebrity in my restaurant.", she said. "Have a seat. Someone will be with you in a moment."  
  
"Wow, That's your girlfriend?", Sly asked. "Yep. Sandra and I have been seeing each other for the last three years.", said Andy. "You're lucky.", the younger raccoon said.  
  
"I saved her life once.", said Andy. "That was possibly the best day of my life.", he continued nostalgically.  
  
Just then, the waitress, a rabbit, arrived at the table. "Are you folks ready to order?",. she asked. "I think so.", Andy replied.  
  
"I'll have two of everything on the menu.", Murray said. "Easy there, Hungry Hungry Hippo. You don't want to have a coronary.", quipped Jake.  
  
The others ordered. "So, Andy", Sly said as they waited. "Whatever became of that giant ruby you pilfered?" "I returned it to the original owners.", Andy answered. "And collected a nice reward."  
  
"I see.", Sly said. The food then came. The group finished their meals. Andy paid for their feast with a sack full of gold coins. "This is the only place around here that takes stolen pirate gold.", he said, as they headed outside. "That's good to know.", Sly responded.  
  
"That food was terrible.", Bentley complained. "Do you like anything?!", Tony snapped. "Well, I thought it was great.", Murray said with a belch. "You'd eat the backside of a skunk.", Bentley said to the hippo.  
  
"Listen, turtle.", Andy said. "My girl built this place up from nothing, and the last thing I need to hear is you pissing on it." "Yes, sir. I'm sorry.", said the turtle.  
  
"Where to now?", Jake asked as they all piled back into the van. "Let's go over to the old headquarters.", replied Andy.  
  
"You've got it.", the bear said, starting the truck. "Obsessive Compulsive Turtle here is going to love this place.", said Tony. "What do you mean?", asked Bentley. "You'll see.", said the crow.  
  
They pulled up to an old ramshackle building. It looked like it had perhaps once been a government office, or maybe a school.  
  
"Here we are.", said Andy. "The old meeting place." Andy opened up the glove compartment of the truck and took out an ancient-looking key.  
  
"This was once the city hall.", Andy said as he unlocked the front door. "It became the Bridge Street gang's headquarters around 1910."  
  
"So this gang pre-dates you?", Sly asked. "Oh, yes.", Andy responded, turning on the lights. "This place is FILTHY!!", Bentley interjected.  
  
"Shut up, dumbass!", Sly urged his friend. "The Bridge Street gang has existed for centuries.", said Andy.   
  
"I'm just its latest leader.", Clark continued. "So how did you become involved with this organization?", inquired Sly. "This was the only place I could find friendship.", Andy answered. "I find that hard to believe.", Sly said.  
  
"Well, it's true.", Andy asserted. "But that's all behind me now." "So, how did you end up becoming leader?", Sly asked. "Our last leader, Ted, was killed in a gun battle with a rival. I picked up his weapon and returned fire.", Andy said.  
  
"The rest is history." "You know, life for the Bridge Street Four wasn't always as smooth as it is now.", Andy continued. "At first, I didn't even know who was part of my gang." "At one time, we had about thirty members! There was so much confusion in those early days."  
  
"You know Tim Merriweather?", Andy asked of Sly. "The fox who thinks he's me?" "Yeah.", Andy said. "Well, he was a member of my gang once. I booted him as soon as I found out what an idiot he was."  
  
"Is that so?", Sly said. "Looking back,", Andy said "I don't know how we ever got to where we are today." But,", he added. "I'm loving every minute of it."  
  
"Let's get out of here.", said Andy. "It's getting late." "You're right.", Sly said. The six of them once again piled into Andy's truck and they headed back to his house.  
  
Andy put his feet up on the dashboard and reclined his seat. Sly sniffed the air and smiled. "It sounds like you've led quite a life.", he said.  
  
"What about family?", Sly inquired. "You do have one?" "Yes.", said Andy. "I really should introduce you to them some time. My mom thinks you're the greatest thing since sliced bread." "Really?", said Sly.  
  
They arrived back at Andy's house. "All right, boys. It's time to get to work.", he said exiting the vehicle. 


	4. Home Again

CHAPTER FOUR- Home Again  
  
They arrived back at Andy's house. "All right, boys. It's time to get to work.", he said, exiting the vehicle.  
  
Andy took a remote control out of his pocket. He pushed one button, and his two vehicles lowered back beneath the garage floor. He pushed another, and part of the back wall lifted up, revealing a doorway.  
  
"Come with me.", Andy said, entering the door. "You are about to enter my secret command center.", he said, as they descende a staircase into the underground.  
  
At the end of the stairs was another door. This one had a keypad next to it. Andy entered some numbers, and the door opened on its own.  
  
"Wow.", said Bentley, stepping into the darkened room. The walls were covered with monitors, maps, and flashing electronic lights. "Impressive.", Sly concurred.  
  
Andy's associate Chris was already in the room when they arrived. "Let's get down to business.", Andy said. "Relax.", said the hedgehog. "I've already come up with plans for your little mission."  
  
"The last time I followed one of your plans, I was nearly roasted alive! And I came home empty-handed. Sorry, pal.", Andy said.  
  
"Come on Andy. Give me one more chance.", begged the hedgehog. "At least give the plans a look." "OK.", Andy said. Chris handed him a file folder.  
  
Andy skimmed through the pages. "Not bad.", he said. "I'm impressed. What say you Cooper?", he said, passing the folder to Sly. "Pretty good.", said Sly, handing it to Bentley.  
  
"This is crap!!", Bentley said, almost expectedly. "Like I care what you think.", Chris snarled. "OK.", said Andy. "We'll follow your plan, but if it fails, you'd better look for a new job."  
  
"This plan is destined to fail.", said Bentley. "You guys are crazy!!" "I've had about enough of your complaining." Sly said, shaking his cane at the turtle. "We're following this plan."  
  
"Yeah.", Tony said to Bentley. "So quit your bitching." "Well, don't come crying to me when you fall flat.", said the turtle.  
  
"OK. That settles that.", Andy said, exiting the secret room. Sly and company followed. Andy flopped down on the living room couch and removed his shoes. He then clicked on the television. Jake headed to his room, and Tony took a seat at the computer. Chris was nowhere to be seen.  
  
"Hey, what happened to the hedgehog?", Sly asked. "God only knows.", Andy said. "He comes and goes as he pleases."  
  
Bentley had seized the TV remote as the two raccoons chatted. "Give me that, you queer.", Andy said, snatching it back. "Don't you have any manners?", he asked of the turtle.   
  
"So, do you have any plans on marrying this Sandra girl?", Sly asked, as Andy flipped through the channels.  
  
"Yes.", Andy responded. "But we've both agreed to have a few more years of fun before settling down." "I see.", Sly said. "So, Sly," Andy said. "Is there a special little someone in your life?", he asked. "Yes, but," Sly answered. "But what?" "She's a cop.", Sly responded.  
  
"A cop?", asked a puzzled Andy. "Yes." "Why would you go with a police? Why not get yourself a woman who doesn't have the power to arrest you?"  
  
"I'm convinced Carmelita's the one.", Cooper replied. "Whatever floats your boat, dude.", Andy said. "I just don't think it's wise to be running with cops."  
  
"Ah. Enough of this bullcrap!", Andy exclaimed, having scanned through all 300 channels. "I'm turning in.", he said, throwing down the remote.  
  
"Sly, you can have the guest bedroom.", Andy said, pointing to a door at the other end of the house. "These two fools can sleep out here." "Thank you so much.", Bentley said sarcastically. "You're lucky he doesn't make you sleep outside.", said Sly.  
  
"See you in the morning.", said Sly. "Good night.", Andy said. He entered his bedroom and locked the door behind him, just as a precaution. The raccoon removed his outer garments and then climbed into bed. It's been one hell of a day, Andy thought as he closed his eyes. 


	5. Another Crazy Day

CHAPTER FIVE- Another Crazy Day  
  
The next morning...  
  
Andy awoke and went out to the kitchen for his morning bowl of cocoa puffs. Sly and Bentley sat at the table. "Greetings, my fellow thieving degenerates.", he said. "Morning, Andy.", said Sly.  
  
"You're in your underwear!", said a horrified Bentley. "Yes.So?" "But you're in the kitchen." "So?", Andy said. "That's sickening.", whined Bentley.  
  
"Can't a guy do as he pleases in his own home?!", Andy asked angrily as he poured cereal.  
  
"Don't listen to that douche.", Sly said. "I like that you're so laid-back and informal. Too many in this business are far too uptight." "You're a couple of filthy raccoons.", said Bentley as he stormed out of the kitchen.  
  
"What is that guy's problem?", Andy asked about Sly's friend. "I think he breathes in too many chemicals when he does his little experiments.", Sly said, only half-jokingly.  
  
Andy opened up the newspaper as he finished off his cereal. "What do you know?", he said. "They caught old Tim Merriweather."  
  
"Good riddance to that copycat.", said Sly. "Yeah.", Andy said. "Maybe now, he'll realize he just isn't cut out for thieving."  
  
"I'm going to go over to where all the mobsters hang out and slash some tires. Do you care to join me?", Andy asked. "You like living dangerously, don't you", Sly asked. "You know it.", replied Andy.  
  
"One more question.", Sly said to Andy. "Yes." "Do you donate any of your plunder to the poor or do you keep it all?", Sly asked.   
  
"Perhaps you noticed the Clark Hospital when you first came into town.", Andy said.  
  
"You built that?", asked Sly. "No.", Andy said. "But i did buy it, re-staff it, modernize it, and make its services free to all. The place eats up money, but that's not what it's all about."  
  
"Wow, that's great.", said Sly. "And what about you, Sly.?" "Well, I all but own the orphanage that raised me, and I often make secret donations to several charities." "That's cool.", said Andy.  
  
Just then, Murray sauntered into the kitchen. "What's for breakfast?", he asked. "Whatever you like.", said Andy. "Try not to devour everything.", warned Sly. "I'm going to get dressed.", said Andy as he left the kitchen.  
  
Later...  
  
"Boy, I never would have thought that vandalizing gangsters' cars could be so much fun.", Sly said, as he and Andy got into Clark's car. "Yeah. That will teach those murdering scumbags.", Andy said as he started the engine.  
  
"So, where are we headed now?", Sly asked. "Walmart. I need a few things.", Andy replied. "Ok.", Sly said.  
  
As they pulled into the Wal-Mart parking lot, Sly spotted a familiar figure emerging from a parked car. It was none other than Inspector Carmelita Montoya Fox, his arch-nemesis and love of his life.  
  
Andy pulled into the parking space next to hers. The two thieves got out of the car.  
  
"Cooper! I've found you at last!", said Carmelita, drawing her stun gun. "And if it isn't the elusive Mr. Clark.", she added.  
  
"Why, Ms. Fox, you look especially beautiful today.", Sly said to his old foe. "Quiet raccoon!", Carmelita yelled. "I'm going to put you and your little friend behind bars."  
  
"Good luck.", Andy said as the two raced across the parking lot and into the store. "She'll never find us in here.", Andy said. "Hope you're right.", said Sly. "Let's spread out. That way---." "What's with that look?", asked a baffled Clark. "She's right behind us.", Sly whispered. Andy started to run, but didn't get too far, knocked out cold by Carmelita's stun ray.  
  
"Now it's your turn, Cooper.", said the vixen. Just then the store manager, a boar, approached Ms. Fox. "Excuse me, ma'am, I'm going to have to ask you to leave. You're scaring off my customers." "But..." As Carmelita tried to explain herself, Sly lifts his unconcious friend into a shopping cart and makes a hasty exit.  
  
Andy Clark regained consciousness just as Sly had reached the car. "What happened?", Andy asked, climbing out of the cart. "You got hit with a blast from Carmelita's stun gun."  
  
"Are you okay?", Sly asked. "I'm fine.", said Clark, as they got into the car. "We'd better lay low until nightfall.", said Cooper. Andy agreed.  
  
"So, that's the girl of your dreams?", Andy asked. "Yeah. Isn't she something?" "I'll say. She could have killed us both!", Any exclaimed. "You'd better watch it, Cooper."  
  
Andy pulled the car into the garage and they both went inside to rest up for the night's thievery. 


	6. The Raid

CHAPTER SIX- The Raid  
  
F.O.W.L. COMPOUND - 2:30 A.M.  
  
The headquarters of the sinister crime syndicate FOWL were situated between Forest City and its more well-known neighbor Saint Canard. It was an expansive fortress constructed almost entirely of indestructible metal alloys. The compound was constructed on the bank of the mighty Hudson River, allowing easy access for shipments of weapons and stolen loot. The only land access to this fortress was a one-lane dirt road.  
  
Chris' plan called for Sly and Andy to be transported by chopper to a wooded area just to the north of the fortress. From there, the two raccoons were to split up. Clark would approach the compound from its back entrance, and Cooper would enter through the front.  
  
This daring raid would test the full skill range of both our young heroes, as well as the planning acumen of one hedgehog.  
  
"This better work, bitch.", Bentley said to Chris as they watched the two thieves take off from the makeshift helipad in Andy's backyard.  
  
"Gentlemen, please.", said Jake. "It's time we headed down to the command center." Jake, Chris, Murray, and Bentley (Tony was piloting the helicopter.) all headed for the secret underground room.  
  
Jake sat down in front of a radio unit. "Tony, come in, Tony.", the bear said into the microphone. "Do you read me?" "Loud and clear.", responded the crow. "We're approximately ten minutes from our destination.", he continued. "10-4.", said Jake.  
  
As expected, the two raccoons were quite nervous. "This is quite possibly the craziest thing I've ever done.", said Andy. "This is my biggest mission since destroying the Fiendish Five a year ago.", Sly remarked.  
  
"Well, four of the Fiendish Five, anyway.", he added. "That evil owl Clockwerk is now the president of Namibia." "How did that happen?", asked Andy.  
  
"The Russian government rebuilt him and installed him as a puppet dictator to protect their interests in the region.", Sly explained. "Oh.", said Andy.  
  
"Gentlemen, we are here.", Tony announced.  
  
Andy opened the helicopter's hatch and tossed out a rope ladder. "Well, here goes nothing.", he said, climbing out. Sly followed.  
  
"Andy and Sly have been dropped off at the entry point.", Tony said into the radio.  
  
"Now we wait.", said Chris. "Yeah. Wait to hear the news report of their death!", responded Bentley. "Bite me, turtle.", Chris said.  
  
"Come on, guys. Grow up.", said Jake.  
  
"Now is the part of the plan where we part ways.", Andy said to his younger compatriot. "Here", he then said, handing Sly a revolver. "A gun?" "Just in case.", said Andy.  
  
"I won't need this.", Sly said. "You never know.", said Andy. "All right.", Sly said, stuffing the weapon in his pack. "Take these, too.", Andy said, handing him another gun and a pair of funny-looking binoculars. "I already have a pair.", Sly said of the binoculars. "But can they see through solid objects?", asked Andy.  
  
"These are X-ray?" "Yep.", Andy responded. "And what of this gun?", Sly then asked. "It's a grappling hook, just like mine.", said Andy, pointing at the holstered gun on his right hip.  
  
"Good luck, friend.", Andy said. The two shook paws, and went their seperate ways.  
  
Sly Cooper quickly crept up to the front wall of the building, and then turned himself invisible. Suckers, he thought, as he walked right into the front door completely unnoticed by the two henchmen guarding the entrance.  
  
Meanwhile, Andy Clark had a slightly easier path into the huge place. The back entrance had no guards, but the door was surrounded by a laser force field. There was also a security camera over the door. Crouched in some bushes, Andy took out his handgun and fired at the camera, destroying it.  
  
He then walked right up to the keypad alongside the door and entered the disarm code as provided to him by his friend Chris. Success! The laser beams shut off.  
  
Andy entered the back part of the building. He heard approaching footsteps and quickly ducked behind some crates.  
  
Using his trusty cane, Sly had made quick work of a whole mess of FOWL's famed Egg Men. He now hid in a metal drum, awaiting some word from Andy. Bentley had linked the two coons' communicators. The duo were to meet in the center of the compound and head upstairs to take out the big bosses.  
  
Andy was now some thirty feet away from Sly, hiding in the cab of a dump truck. "I'm close to ya, buddy.", Andy said softly into his radio. "Good.", replied Cooper. "Are you ready to face the scum?", Sly then asked. "You bet.", responded Andy as he crawled out of the truck.  
  
Clark snuck right up to the stairs leading to the main offices and then hid behind an oil drum. "Hey there.", Sly said, popping out of the drum. "Goddamnit!", Andy exclaimed. "Don't do that!" "Sorry.", said Sly. The two then crept up the stairs.  
  
They were immediately confronted by two FOWL goons. Sly swung his cane and felled the two. "Nice work, buddy.", said Andy. Just then, a door swung open and out stepped the villain Steelbeak.  
  
"Well if it isn't our little thief, back for some more. And this time I see you brought a friend.", cackled the rooster.  
  
"Take this, you ass-master!!", shouted Andy, blasting the bird's metal jaws with his acid gun. Instantly, his once-mighty bill had been dissolved. The enraged fowl then lunged at the two thieves, and Sly knocked him senseless with his cane.  
  
"Now come on in here and face your death, filthy fleabags.", said a mysterious voice from the room ahead. "Sure thing, whoever you are.", said Sly, as the two ringtails entered the darkened office.  
  
Just then, the room filled with a light purple gas. The two raccoons coughed. "What is this shit?", Sly asked. "I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the raccoon that knocks over your garbage cans. I am Darkwing Duck!", proclaimed the famous superhero.  
  
"This is great.", Andy whispered to Sly as they hid behind a file cabinet. "We can get our gold and let this clown take care of the gang bosses."  
  
"Sounds like a plan.", Sly said, and the two dashed out of the office and down the stairs.  
  
Just as they approached the gold vault, they heard a loud explosion. "Suck gas evil-MOTHER OF GOD NO! AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!", they heard Darkwing scream.  
  
"Wonder what happened.", Sly asked as the two loaded up on gold bars. "Who cares? Let's get out of here before the cops show up.", Andy said.  
  
The two exited the compound, carrying several sacks filled with riches. As they left, they spotted a battered, bruised, and injured Darkwing Duck lying on the ground before them.   
  
"Could one of you fellows help me up?", asked the duck. Andy lifted the wounded hero. "Thanks.", said Darkwing, as he stumbled off.  
  
Just then, the two raccoons felt the earth shake, and watched in awe as FOWL's mighty compound collapsed. "That was unexpected.", said Sly.  
  
"Hey.", Andy said angrily. "That son of a bitch took our gold!" "I could kill you, Cooper. I wasted a whole weekend because of you.", Clark continued.  
  
"Easy, dude.", said Sly. "At least we did away with FOWL." "You're right.", said Andy, reaching for his radio.  
  
"You can come get us now.", he said into it. "Gotcha.", responded Jake.  
  
Andy's truck pulled up and the two dispirited thieves got in. "Where's the gold?", asked Tony. "There is none. Darkwing Duck stole it all.", responded Andy.  
  
"Bull crap.", said Tony. "Just admit you failed." "No. He's right.", Sly said. "But that guy's such a do-gooder.", said Jake.  
  
"Apparently, that's all a lie.", said Andy. "This night wasn't a total loss. We did destroy FOWL's headquarters."  
  
"Well, destroying FOWL doesn't pay our bills.", snapped Bentley. "Aw great. Here he goes.", groaned Sly. "I warned you. I told you this was a bad idea.", the enraged turtle continued.  
  
"Are you guys having money trouble?", Andy asked of Sly. "Mind your business, dickface!", shrieked Bentley.  
  
"I'm trying to help.", Andy snarled back. "Yes. It's been rough going for us the last few weeks.", said Sly.  
  
"Great. Let the whole world know our problems.", said Bentley. "That does it, you fuck!", said Sly, striking his associate with his cane.  
  
"OWWWWW!", screamed Bentley. "I could help you guys out.", said Andy. "Aww, you don't have to do that.", replied Sly. "Anything for a friend.", Andy said.  
  
"Well, if you insist.", Sly said, as they pulled into Andy's driveway. "I am NOT taking a handout from this loser.", asserted Bentley. "You want more of this?", Sly asked, shaking his cane at the turtle.  
  
Andy climbed into the back of the van. He took out his remote control. He pushed a button. Part of the truck's floor slid away, revealing a safe.  
  
"How could such a moron produce such sophisticated technology?", Bentley wondered.  
  
Ignoring him, Andy opened the safe and took out a large stack of bills. "Here's 100 grand, a gift from me to you.", Andy said, handing the money to Sly.  
  
"Thanks! I won't forget this.", said Sly. "Neither will I.", Bentley said. "You ingrate.", Andy remarked. "Forget about him.", said Sly.  
  
"Well, I must be going.", Sly said. "OK. I hope we can get together like this again some time.", said Andy. "Maybe I can come visit you." "That would be great.", said Sly. "Until then, you know my e-mail.", said Cooper. "Bye.", said Andy.  
  
The younger raccoon and his two friends then disappeared.  
  
It sure has been one hell of a weekend, thought Andy Clark as he climbed into bed and fell asleep.  
  
THE END 


	7. Aftermath

AFTERMATH  
  
        An exhausted Sly Cooper entered his Paris home. After hanging up his hat, mask, cane, gloves, and pack, he began a dressing-down of his two colleagues.  
  
        "I'm deeply disappointed in the two of you.", he said. "You made me look like a fool in front of a fellow thief. You two had better start acting like professionals. Good evening, gentlemen.", he said, heading off to his bedroom.  
  
        "Who does he think he is?", Bentley said to Murray. "Without us, he'd be nothing." "Yeah.", agreed the hippo. "Good night, my friend.", said the turtle as he entered his room.  
  
        Darkwing Duck was jublilant as he returned to Darkwing Tower. "WOOHOO! I'm filthy rich!.", he said, emptying two large sacks of gold bars. "No more of this middle class garbage for me! From now on, I'll be rubbing elbows with Bruce Wayne and James Bond!"  
  
        "Dad.", said Gosalyn. "You can't keep that gold." "Why not?", asked Darkwing. "You always taught me that stealing was wrong." "Aww, crap.", said Darkwing. "But I lifted it from the evil FOWL.", he explained.  
  
        "Who stole it from Canada.", injected Launchpad. "Whose side are you on?", Darkwing asked.  
  
        Just then, Darkwing noticed a stranger in his hideout. This stranger was a gorgeous young vixen with long black hair. She was brandishing some sort of a gun.  
  
        "Who the devil are you?", he asked of the vixen. "Inspector Carmelita Fox of the Paris Police Department.", she announced. Darkwing gulped.  
  
        "Reach for the sky, duck!", Carmelita commanded. "You are under arrest for theft.", she said, slapping the cuffs on the masked mallard.  
  
        "Here we go again.", said Launchpad. "I'll get the bail money.", he said with a sigh, as Carmelita dragged his friend to jail. 


End file.
